getting over nerves

A pair of flights will in a few hours deliver me unto Durham, NC, where I will for one week attend a "law preview" camp. Two months prior I was sent a textbook to read in preparation -- only a third has been consumed, due in part to finishing my last Australian semester. Pressure builds, my unpreparedness a burden on my piece of mind. Classes run from as early as 7:30 straight through to 5pm, leaving little time to catch up.

But beyond the legal nerdfest there is much to accomplish: a car is to be purchased, insurance obtained. I will be staying this week in the same condo I'll occupy during the coming semester, and details with my landlord will be settled. My sister-in-law gives her defense (PhD in computer science!) -- should I cut class to attend? Durham must be explored. And then the day after the course finishes I'll drive back to Wisconsin: 17 wheelhours through states I've never visited.

Last night a pit of tension filled my stomach, making dinner completely unappetizing.

Where did my piece of mind go? Why can't I take my own advice?

Indeed!

I realized last night I wasn't going to finish the textbook, so I just put it down! Felt so good! Next, I just watched my brain as I freaked out a little. If I really just watched my thoughts, felt my tensed tummy and shortened breath, then it all just seemed ridiculous and started to fade. I decided I didn't really care to be stressed out anymore, so set about not being stressed.

"Let's just see what happens in Durham," I said to myself. "I don't have to absolultely maximize the potential of every moment, after all. I'm not getting graded on this course. In fact, I don't even have to attend every class!"

Finally, I was able to say to myself, "I don't mind what happens on this trip."

A low, steady thrum was coming from outside: pounding rain. I saw the beauty of the cascading drops, undistracted by anything in next week's Durham, and giggled.